CANCER: CHEMO....Take Two....The Journey is REAL!

Getting a cancer diagnosis is pretty frightening, I admit, but the prospect of having chemotherapy and what might follow was even scarier. I envisioned this poison being put into my body and wondered whether it would burn or hurt, or do something much worse. The fear of the unknown can sometimes be overwhelming. But, then God Speaks, He Calms and He says...My child, I have this; I have YOU!

My Medical Oncologist, Dr. Bondly, prepared me ahead of time for what some of the side-effects “could be” and which ones I would “most likely” experience during my infusion treatments. As I entered the huge treatment room…full of bays with chairs, IV poles….patients sitting and chatting with their family member or getting to know their neighbors….some reading….some even taking a nap, but No One was screaming in pain. So, that was a very positive sign that I would be ok. And, even in my fear...God had already let me know from day one that He was with me. He is not only walking beside me and reassuring me along this path, but He is walking behind to make sure any mistakes or mis-steps by my medical professionals are being corrected. He is walking before me as He carefully lays out my plan for a complete earthly healing. Praise God...He is my strength. His very real presence casts out my fear and trembling.

I’m not going to travel back down the path that I have already completed and turned the corner from, but just felt a need to address fear…being frightened…feeling scared. It is real and it is OK! We were created human and with that, God created His children with feelings and emotions. He did not give us the capability for those characteristics to merely bury or feel too inhibited to be real and express what we are experiencing. He didn't create us as robots for many reasons. But, He does point us to a way of escape....and that is in Him.

During my illness, I have remained positive and have tried to get on with my life. However, I have had some very rough times. My situation has not always been positive and my body has suffered a lot of pain and transition. I have experienced times of disappointment and even despair with a few of my more serious side-effects, but through it all…..I never….not even one time doubted that God was walking this cancer journey with me.

When going through this journey one might experience a flood of emotions including shock, fear, disbelief, confusion, anger, and yes….despair. But what if in the midst of your terrible situation, you can find hope, peace, healing, and even joy? In the midst of it all, I have found stability, happiness, and emotional healing. Out of your pain, you can also find wholeness, comfort, peace and a new purpose....a new zeal for life. One unfamiliar to this would ask how….HOW can this be true? In the middle of a cancer battle, how can the gamut of negative emotions be replaced with positivism? There is only One Who can change everything….God, the Father…Jesus, the Son, and The Holy Spirit….Three, yet One!

While you’re in the midst of trials, it is sometimes hard to see God moving. But in hindsight…it shows His handiwork and His fingerprints throughout it all. His presence, however, has been very evident from the beginning of my journey with cancer. When my humanness and fears have crept in, He has not let me go....not even for a second. That is when His presence becomes even stronger as He pulls me toward Him, blesses me with His reassurance, and my strength builds as my fears melt away.

When you are diagnosed with cancer, it is not an individual fighting cancer.....it involves the entire family. When I was diagnosed, it was a family diagnoses from day one. My family is treading this cancer journey with me step by step. They keep me nourished mentally, emotionally, and physically.....but, most of all spiritually.

God wants so much more for us than to walk through life full of fear, worry and anxiety. “Do not be anxious about anything,” the Bible tells us in the book of Philippians, chapter 4, “but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” God doesn’t tell us we won’t have fear and anxiety, but He directs us as to where we need to place those emotions and how to replace them.

In the midst of our storms, we might have to go to Him several times a day....repeating this and other Scriptures as we lift our stresses and fears up to Him. We are going to have anxiety, stresses, and fears, but that is where we can allow Jesus to truly shine and shine bright in our lives as He washes over us a calming peace and renewal of thought and assurance.

So, this is the week that has been set for me to begin my 6 month journey with oral chemo. However, last week, I had a consult and 3 week check-up with my Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Salter at the Bruno Cancer Center, on Wednesday, June 19th. I needed to get clearance prior to starting the chemo, Xeloda, this week. She said that all looked great. I do have some pretty bad scar tissue on my left chest, but it should not cause any problem. I mentioned to Dr. Salter my apprehension about starting Xeloda. I told her that since September 10, 2018....I have been through biopsies, PET Scans, ECHO's, EKG's, CT Scans, months of chemo, Bilateral Mastectomy, 6 weeks of radiation.....then I asked....what she thought about me taking a couple months off prior to starting chemo again.

I would just love to have my Summer free of sickness and complications. Although this falls under Dr. Bondly's expertise, Dr. Salter gave me her opinion. She said that there was no data that showed IF a person waited that the chemo drug would give the added percentage of help in cancer not returning. Therefore, if not taken immediately, it might not be any need to take it at all. I have already had to delay by 3 weeks because of my needing to completely heal from radiation burns. She definitely wanted me to begin the chemo and set me an appointment to come back as a 6 month follow-up from radiation treatments.

The following day, June 20th, I had a consult, check-up, and blood work at my Medical Oncologist "Chemo" - Dr. Bondly's - in the Bruno Cancer Center. I have never had a problem with my port; however, after the nurse accessed it and attached my line to draw blood.....she could only get one vial. She said it just stopped working. She concluded that the one vial would be enough and said it should be ok next time. It was weird because on Wednesday night I had commented to Michael that I had a few sharp pains in my port. I pray that when I go back, it will be working fine.

My check-up went fine and she was pleased with how everything looked and my lungs sounded clear. Praise God! I was a bit reluctant to even mention to her what I had said to Dr. Salter about delaying the Xeloda, but I decided that I would. She basically told me the same thing. I either needed to do it....and they both agreed that I did need to do it in order to have my best results....or I just needed to not even start taking it. So.....I decided to go ahead and start the chemo as planned.

I started taking it this morning. I have to take a nausea pill and eat prior to taking 5 of the pills. That is 2500 MG. and in the evening, I have to take another nausea pill, eat, and wait 30 minutes and take the other 5 pills....another 2500 MG. I have not wanted to start chemo again as there are so many "possible" side-effects and some that are deadly. That is where being anxious and fear comes into play. AND, that is when I start spending even more time in prayer and plead for the prayers from all of you to be lifted in my name before our Father everyday.

I received a phone call from Dr. Bondly's office today. They told me that I am...again...deficient in Vitamin D. Therefore, they sent a prescription to my pharmacy for a stronger Vitamin D than you can purchase over the counter. She wants me to take it for at least 3 months. Vitamin D deficiency can have its own set of negatives; therefore, it is important to get mine built up.

For the next 6 months...if I am able to tolerate the chemo...I will take the chemo for 14 days and be off 7 days. That routine will continue to repeat for 6 months. I should finish around Christmas. On my off week, I will go to the Bruno Cancer Center, be checked by Dr. Bondly, and I will have blood work to check my number counts....as check for other symptoms and/or issues. Then, if all is ok, I will go upstairs to the Alabama RX and get another prescription of Xeloda filled.

I know that God continues to walk this journey with me. I believe that He is healing me and that He will bless me with 100% earthly healing.

There are times we just need to sit quietly in His presence, be patient, be trusting, and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work inside of us. He is our comforter and He will guide our path if we allow Him to move without us trying to be the ones moving Him.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord

establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

God is Leading and He is Healing

Prayer is a great weapon, a rich treasure, and a wealth that is never exhausted. We can find refuge in our prayer time as it brings immeasurable tranquility and a multitude of blessings.

I appreciate ALL financial support. Cancer is overwhelmingly expensive and I have not been able to work....that makes it doubly hard. Just last week alone.....and that's just part of it....I received a bill for over $18,000, another for over $900, another for over $800, one for $350, and another for $250. Some days it is difficult to concentrate on getting well because the bills continue to pour in relentlessly.

I am not one to ask for help, but I have learned....if you don't have money to pay your co-pays or pay for your medications.....those who can say "No Service" or "No Medication" have no problem saying "No."

If you feel led to make a "love offering," all