Friday: May 7, 2021..........NOT GOOD NEWS!!!

God IS Love

My family and I are extremely upset right now. They told me Friday, when I went to try to take two more chemo treatments....I couldn’t on Tuesday because all of my blood counts were to low.....that my neutrophils, white blood cells, are ZERO! I don’t even know how you live like that! I was completely shocked and in disbelief! My heart was broken because this is an extremely serious set-back.

They have started me on a maximum strength antibiotic to help me ward off infections because I have no immune system. I am taking two extremely toxic chemos. One of them is literally putting platinum in my body. I am devastated! I have no energy because of chemo and zero white blood cell count. I can only be around my family. I have gained so much weight since I’ve had cancer because I have been so inactive and also hormone suppression, but I have lost 18 pounds in three weeks because I can’t eat. When I do eat it taste horrible and almost everything burns my mouth….it doesn’t have to be spicy food to do that. I have a prescription for “Magic Mouthwash,” but it doesn’t help while you are eating because your mouth/tongue/throat is temporarily deadened with a terrible taste in your mouth.

God is not the author of the bad things that happen in our world, regardless of misguided theology that claims he is.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:16-17

The simple truth is, God does NOT cause calamity today….and that includes my cancer.

I’ve already started to lose my hair so the other night I went ahead and cut it a lot shorter. I lost a little hair yesterday. However, this morning when I brushed my hair….a tremendous amount released and glided right out. Then, this afternoon, I brushed my hair again and another huge amount of hair came out. (Pics Below) It is releasing from my scalp and is causing a little soreness all over my head. I have been through this before and knew I would be losing my hair, but never imagined that I would lose so much from only one treatment. At this rate, I might be bald by Friday. I ordered me some caps from Amazon. All of my chemo hats from my last treatments were all Fall/Winter. No one wants to have their hair fall-out; however, it is part of the process of trying to be healed. It is one of the least of a cancer patient’s concerns. Small price, if you can be well again.

People do mean well, but often what they are saying isn’t biblical or encouraging/comforting for the patient, family, or to those who have lost loved ones

One of the big consequences of believing in the extreme sovereignty of God theology is that it creates distance between Father God and His children. Seeing God as the author of pain and destruction prevents true intimacy with God. There are so many clichés out there that are so easily said without thought behind what is being said….”It’s in God’s Will/God’s Plan.”….”Don’t ask questions...Don’t get angry.”....A baby dies and this is supposed to comfort the family...”God needed another angel....He needed the baby more.” How does that make the family view God? Besides, people don’t become angels. Angels were created beings as well. ”God is in control.”….”Don’t allow fear take you from God.” (What are you saying about this person’s faith?) If we are making these claims, what are we saying about our Father? I know people mean well and have the best of intentions to offer comfort. But also, remember the story in Mark 9 where a father had a son overcome with an evil spirit. After Jesus told the father, “Everything is possible for one who believes”….The father cried-out, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!” What did Jesus do, He immediately rebuked the unclean spirit. We are human….not perfect….but through Jesus, even in our weaknesses, we are made perfect.

Who can trust someone they believe probably will send some disease or disaster their way at any time just to them you a lesson? It is just about impossible to have any intimacy with someone you think might potentially cause you harm. You’ll always have your guard up. There is an ever-present tension and anxiety hanging there just below the surface. The distance that naturally results from this causes the love of Christians to grow cold. Christians who say that God is in control of everything are accusing God of doing all sorts of horrible things. At the same time, they obviously see that these same things are criminal when they are done by a human being. That doesn’t make any sense.

When Jesus was talking about prayer and intimacy with the Father, He said it this way…..

“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So, if you, sinful people, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.” Matthew 7:9-11

There Jesus says that God is far better than sinful people. But too many Christians flip that on its head. They make God far worse than sinful people by saying He is responsible for horrible evils that happen in our world. You cannot be truly intimate with someone you expect will likely cause you hurt at any moment.

God did NOT cause my cancer! He is a good, GOOD Father!

I have to build my white blood cell count from zero to 1,000 before they will even attempt another treatment. I will go back this Friday, May 14^th. If I can’t get back to treatment by Friday, there is a strong possibility of me going into liver failure. If that happens, there is nothing more I can do. I am also now dealing with an elevated resting heart rate plus, I had burns across my lower back from radiation, but I praise God that it is almost healed. 🙌🏻

I am trying to get my insurance situation worked-out so I can go to a specialty hospital. However, right now, I am being told “out of network” so, currently I’m not able to go to a Comprehensive Cancer Research Hospital. I would have to pay cash and that is out of the question!

Prayers are so important! That is how we bring God in to interact in our lives. As we learn in Genesis 1:26-28, With the delegation of authority, God made man responsible for what happens here on earth. It also meant that God could only intervene when invited into a situation by mankind because of God’s own self-imposed limitation of authority. Because God said mankind has dominion, if He then stepped in the earth to do stuff uninvited, God would be violating His own word. That is something God cannot do.

Please plead with God with bold prayers….asking Him to not allow satan to take my life. Plead that I will be able to tolerate my treatments, that my cancer will stop in my liver and that through medications and His miraculous healing….I will be healed. If we can limit the cancer to my bones…with not more spreading…I should be able to live a few extra years.

I love you all and appreciate every act of love you bless me with!!!

Hair from morning brushing: