CANCER: It Takes A Trial To Have A Testimony....

It Takes A Trial To Have A Testimony

As I have said before, I do not show the "ugly" of my story to serve any purpose of my own. Yes, I do covet all prayers very much! However, I have mainly shown the "bad and the ugly" of cancer because....as I have learned in my own journey....so many are truly unaware of what a cancer patient goes through. 

Everyday can have its challenges. Not all days are bad, but we must have the bad to get to the good. I often refer to it as "walking through fire" and in my case, with my continued Hand-Foot Syndrome (Palmar-Plantar Erythrodysesthesia), I feel as if I have literally felt the pain and suffering of the "fire."

But, I know that God is leading my journey and I can feel the working of the Holy Spirit in my life as He guides me on my path. God uses medicines and earthly treatments to bring healing to our sick bodies. And, yes, sometimes He works miracles that go far beyond what earthly medicines can achieve. 

However, there are times....times that we can't humanly understand....when it seems that our prayers and pleadings go unanswered. Jesus at Gethsemane went before His Father in Matthew 26:39 and said....“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” We lift our pleadings before our Father; however, we must remember that He knows all and will act and react accordingly. He sees the bigger picture; therefore, there are times when He must answer our prayer in a different way. God did not choose to take "the cup" (the task) from Jesus because there was a greater purpose to be served and His Son's suffering and death had to occur. 

So many times I hear people say (just have faith) or (increase your faith) or (believe).... Did Jesus have faith? Did Jesus have a right relationship with the Father? Was God just uncaring or didn't care about Jesus? I have heard people make that comment as well. But, of course Jesus had faith and a right relationship with His Father. And, of course God loves His Son and cared for Him. 

In Mark 4, we read of Jesus being on a boat with His disciples when a storm comes up. Jesus is asleep, but we read in verse 38...."The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Have you ever gone before the Throne and spoke boldly....Have you ever asked, "Jesus, do You care?" or "God, do you care?" It is ok to speak boldly to God. He can handle it! We must be able to speak our fear and to talk to our Creator and Father as we would to our earthly father. 

We all have times that storms come into our lives. The storms can come in many various ways, but they have the potential to destroy IF we do not handle them properly. Sometimes we see the storms coming, but other times they sneak up on us. Jesus could have shared with His disciples that a storm was coming, but He chose to remain silent. When the storm hit, they weren't confident of the safety; however, Jesus was. The reason God might seem asleep or silent at times is because He does not share our panic. 

So, for the past few weeks I have had severe swelling in my hands and feet....along with having weight gain from retaining a lot of fluid. I started having a "weird" feeling around my heart with slight discomfort. I found out that the Meloxicam that I was prescribed by my Orthopedic Specialist, Dr. Elkus, should not be taken if you are on blood pressure medicine. Also, it "can cause" all kinds of horrible side-effects including stroke, heart attack, and sudden death. I had started having labored breathing again and tiredness like I did with the chemo Taxotere. But, then I found out that Meloxicam can give those side-effects. My feet were like boats.....so huge....all the while dealing with Hand-Foot Syndrome. The combination was not good. I was on Meloxicam for 29 days and I just took myself off of it on this Tuesday. Dr. Elkus had wanted me to be on it for 3 months. I am done with that medicine. I have not been able to go to church for the past two weeks because I couldn't walk and couldn't wear shoes. 

When I met with Dr. Bondly, my Oncologist, yesterday I told her that I had stopped taking the Meloxicam and she agreed that I did the right thing. She said that I probably had some fluid build up around my heart, but that it should dissipate since I stopped taking the medication. Dr. Bondly ordered several blood profiles today so I had A LOT of vials of blood drawn from my port. Praise God for ports! All of my blood-work came back great. Awesome! 

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to someone....a pink sister....who is new in her journey and we talked about our stages of cancer, grades of cancer, etc. I was Stage 3 with a Bloom Richardson Grade III//III when I was diagnosed. The higher the stage and grade, the prognosis for healing and likelihood of recurrence are greatly effected. (Those numbers, of course, do not factor God and His Mighty Power into the equation.) I pulled out my folder of paper-work that covers much of my journey from day one. I started reading the reports, looking at the pictures....seeing the cancer outside the walls of the ducts in my breast....seeing the drawing of cancer that had moved into my lymph nodes. I didn't realize it until a few days later, but the "trip down memory lane" had affected my emotions and I have spent the last few days feeling very emotional and have been easy to cry. I was talking on the phone to someone yesterday and as soon as I mentioned the work "cancer" I fell apart crying. My cancer is hormone based and I have been on my hormone/estrogen suppression medication for about a month now. But, wow....my hormones have been on over-drive for the past few days. Hormones/Estrogen feed my cancer. I talked about this with Dr. Bondly and she said that it is 100% normal to have high emotions at times....especially with all I have gone through. I haven't cried because I have cancer or because I feel sorry for myself....just in general emotional. Dr. Bondly asked if I wanted a prescription for anxiety/depression. I told her no. I am strong....I'm not depressed. It is just a passing "thing" and I know what triggered it. I am fine and I am sure my tears will stop flowing so easily soon. I am too happy and too in love with my family and life to cry, but sometimes....it just happens. We deal and we move on. 

Dr. Bondly told me that I have done great and continue to do so. Right now, my hands and feet are a painful mess, but I will push through it. I just have two more rounds of chemo....just two more rounds and I will be through. I will have had 4 months of infused chemo, a bilateral (double) mastectomy, 30 bilateral (both breast) radiation treatments, and 6 months of oral chemo....and now, on my suppression medication for life. I am SO EXCITED about what God has in store for me!!!

Today, I went to my Orthopedic Specialist, Dr. Elkus, and they agreed that I needed to stop the Meloxicam. I am doing great. My second Euflexxa shot in my left knee was today. It was a bit more painful than the one I had last week, but as I told Dr. Elkus....I have been through so much with this cancer, I can handle it! LOL Not fun, but doable. I still have not been able to begin therapy for my knee and shoulder because of my Hand-Foot Syndrome and negative reactions to the Meloxicam. 

I am just so happy, thankful, and blessed to be where I am right now in my journey. God is leading and directing my path every step of the way. His Holy Spirit guides me and prays on my behalf when I don't have the words. His Son, Jesus our Holy Messiah, is my hope and reminder that all is going to be ok. His Holy Scriptures fill me daily with the enormous amount of love He has for His children, He blesses me through His Scriptures, and points me toward being a better daughter to Him and servant to others.

***PICS AT THE END***

Because of Him....I will endure, I will 

persevere, I will survive! 

Suffering is part of life. This truth is found in John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

God promises that He will never leave us, even in our suffering. Hebrews 13:5 reminds us to “…be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”

I thank you all for your continued prayers. 

I pray for all of you as well and thank 

God that He has placed each of you in my life. 

Love y'all!

If you feel led to make a "love offering," all 

assistance is appreciated. 

GoFundMe Account:

https://www.gofundme.com/patricia039s-cancer-fund?

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#BilateralBreastCancer  

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#GodisinControl #PrayingGrands   

#PraiseGod   #ThankYouJesus

 #MyCancerWarisOn  

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#MyGoalisCancerFree   #Orthopedic

***PICS FROM YESTERDAY AND TODAY***

HAND-FOOT SYNDROME

SWOLLEN FEET