My Thoughts - My Journey

"You have cancer in both breast. I see multiple tumors and I also see what looks like cancer in at least one lymph node." Those were the words of my Imaging Doctor, Dr. Tataria. This was the same day I rushed to my doctor to obtain a referral for 3D Mammogram and Sonogram Imaging. God had nudged me with an urgency when He allowed a tumor in my right breast to become a firey, angry red....as Dr. Tataria described the tumor that appeared to have attached itself to the skin tissue of my breast.  I was in shock! The words coming out of her mouth didn't seem like they could apply to me. No one in my family had ever had breast cancer....no one! She was giving me her findings, but without any details. That would take a few days. What kind is it? What is my stage? Is it aggressive? Has it spread? Can I be cured? So many questions, but for today....there are no answers. Multiple biopsies will be done before we will know more.  Although this uncovering was new to me and my fami...

The Scripture says in Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” This implies that if we’re not still, if we’re upset, worried, we’re not going to know that He is God. Worry, stress, and anxiousness take the place of God in our life.  If those emotions are swelling up inside us, then where is God’s place? Worry can change nothing about a situation....absolutely nothing! God can change everything! We must allow God to be God and not expect Him to be present in the middle of our chaos.  Be still....He is God, He is always God! Amen! #GodisLeading   #BreastCancer  #DoubleMastectomy  #IBelieve #BeatCancer   #GodisHealing    #PrayforaCure     #PrayerWarriors #BilateralBreastCancer  #BreastReconstruction  #HeProtectsMe #WhereHeLeadsIWillFollow    #GodisinControl    #GodisaGoodGod    #PraiseGod    #ThankYouJesus #MyGoalisCancerFree   #MyCancerW...

I have experienced a rough couple of days. It is typical for me after chemo. The first day after chemo, I am energized with a false sense of being able to run a race, jump tall buildings, or even clean the house from top to bottom. That comes from one of the nausea medications put into my port that is a steroid. I was told before my first treatment to not let that extra energy cause me to "over-do" because it would dissipate quickly and then I would be left with an added tired/weak feeling.  Around 5:00 yesterday evening, I turned on Gilmore Girls (my third time to watch the series) and cuddled up on the couch with my pillow and thick blanket that I recently made with pink ribbons. I stayed there sleeping, waking up and watching a bit of my show, and then off to sleep I would drift again. My first few days I feel tired and when evening comes, I am ready to lay down and just let my body get the rest it requires right now.  Sleeping at night is mixed with dreams and som...

It's Tuesday morning, the 23rd, and I arrive at 9:30 to the Bruno Cancer Center. As I walk into a waiting room filled with people....men and women of all ages....for just a split second I feel as if I am in the wrong place. What am I doing here? As I enter, I turn to the left, walk to the counter and enter my name and time of arrival. Oh yeah, I have cancer and I am here for treatment.....just like all of these other sweet souls waiting for their chemo treatments.  Ashleigh and I sit and we wait. I am called back and I go to be weighed, have my blood pressure checked, blood is taken, and then I have my port flushed and the set-up for the day is attached to my port so that I can receive my chemo. Now, I get to go back outside to the waiting room until my name is called again. This time, when my name is called, I go to an exam room where I will meet with my Oncologist, Dr. Bondly. I have an Oncologist....still seems strange to say out-loud. Today, we discuss some things like herb...

I have been hoping that my hair would stay with me for a while longer, but this morning....while getting ready for church....she started letting go. After brushing through my hair, I looked at my hair brush and saw a lot of long strands of hair. I was a bit taken back because I have been checking it and it has been firmly attached to my scalp. I fixed my hair, went on the church and just left it alone. I sprayed it with hairspray and figured it would keep in intact for a while. While we were riding home from church....on the way to lunch....I was telling Ashleigh and Joey what had happened with my hair this morning (Mike already knew because I had shown him when it happened). Anyway, I tugged my hair thinking that it would still be strong, but I felt it release from my scalp. It literally made me feel nauseated. It seriously took my breath away for a second. The reality of losing my hair is happening. Tonight, as I brushed my hair, more and more started to turn loose and fill my br...

I lift daily in my prayers those who are living with breast cancer....along with all other types of cancer as well. I know how precious and cherished each prayer is that is lifted up to our loving and gracious Father. It is only through our faith-filled trust in Him and His power that we can see the hope and receive the necessary strength to carry us to the wellness side of this journey. There is nothing pretty or appealing about having cancer. It isn’t supposed to be because it is not from God; however, we can choose to allow His Light to shine through and create a beautiful story of overcoming. In order for this to happen, we must be very transparent about the bad, the negatives. If we make cancer something that its clearly not, we will diminish His glorious part in the journey. If we call it a blessing, a beautiful experience, then what does that say for all who didn't survive? Or what does it say about the ones who are broken, tattered, and can barely see the next day in ...

Today, Father, I am feeling weak and scared! I am Your child and You created me full of feelings and emotions. We aren't supposed to be without our humanness; however, in the middle of being human....I have You lifting me with Your strength to feed me in this journey when I'm not able. It is You Who WILL carry me through to complete healing! From the beginning, it was You Who gave me the urgency to get to a doctor immediately. It was already in Your plan to heal me! It was You Who pushed me to get medical attention before the cancer spread too far. It could have been much worse, but You made my cancer an "angry" firey cancer that cried out with a cry for immediate care.  There is a purpose in this journey and it is being revealed. You believe in me and You believe that I am strong enough to shine even when I feel my light is fading. No matter the hills and valleys ahead of me, I can take comfort that You are right with me. You are our Merciful, Gracious, and Loving ...

I’m not feeling very well today. Had a bit of a rough night. Weak and in general having some side effects that go along with chemo. My immune system started out weak with my red blood cell count already low so I am trying to build myself up while the chemo is trying to fight against me. Please keep praying for me. This isn’t going to be easy, but I am fighting all the way. God is my Lead in this war....and yes, it is a war! It is each day, one day at a time, making it over one challenge at a time. 💗 Jeremiah 30:17 says, "I will restore health to you, and heal you of your wounds." I will stand strong on these words and thank God now for the healing He is doing within me. Everyday I will say with full assurance, "I am healed." Amen! † #GodisLeading   #BreastCancer  #DoubleMastectomy  #IBelieve #BeatCancer   #GodisHealing    #PrayforaCure     #PrayerWarriors #BilateralBreastCancer  #BreastR...